I feel like shit...I hate feeling like shit.

I got my mac finally if I haven't already mentioned that to those who care or read these ramblings of mine.

I feel bad for not keeping my word to a lot of people I told I'd make gifts for, enter contests for, or sculpt for...They all were free and of my choice. But I forgot over time, got busy with other things like school and work then got back on and said I'd do the art then not...It was always in the back of my mind that I needed to do them..It still is, and one day when I have time maybe I will carry out my word to those people.

Maybe when Im thru with school I can work to my hearts content on art for people. I always wanted to make a living out of it, or maybe a small hobby for fun and extra mone if need be.

...Not sure if I really want to go to school though anymore, college that is, I want to do some kind of art but what Im not sure...Well I do know I'd love the graphics field..but to find a school I like...I love the art institutes but I cant afford them..small tech schools usually are not fully one on one with their schooling...jeeze I dont know..

The real world is going to be on me so soon. I graduate this year and Im on my own from then on....Sometimes I think It'd be nice to just settle down and marry..But my parents think I have potential to be somebody some day..I wish the right people could find me and make me that person. I dont see me being somebody, but I try to be..even though I stumble and fall a lot in the process.

Xavier...now known as Veritos...He's in a technical College right now.. I've recently realized how posessive I am of him. He's doing his own thing for all I care...I think bad of it every day, though I shouldn't..my mind wont let me be when it comes to him.

I dont want to be dramatic...probably am though and i dont know it..Just thought maybe someone can relate, maybe someone could help a bit...maybe someone.....